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#forever-poetry
Title
# forever-poetry
t

timliving

05/18/2023, 5:56 PM
the mood of this poem is really spooky and cool. the theme is really strong and i love a supernatural element in a narrative. i especially think it's a lot of fun when exposition is limited. i think some of your images could be more specific to resonate with the theme. "rat's nest" is a prominent example for me. it's evocative for sure, but there's an opportunity to think outside the box there + capture something really pointed about that character. it's something that the word "obdurate" sort of does on its own, and we also can suss out what that word means from context clues, but the description of the eyes and the beard are so close to one another and i think they could each lift the other one up. at the moment they feel isolated in a way i sort of agree w @Poirot that the transition is a bit jarring; i wonder about your intent there, and am sort of curious if there's an effective way to make it even more jarring? i.e., maybe an unusual image to go along with the interruption, so there's a little more oomph, rather than just saying "he interrupts" and then moving on. you mentioned some edits; would love to read them if you have a chance to pass em along!