Hey, thanks for posting. This is from my editorial perspective, so it's more to technique than the content of the piece (overall, nicely done). I'd consider two things. First, tighten up the opening lines. Words like "holy" and "darkness" are vague and can be viewed as stereotyical. Get specific. Get factual. And I'd just keep in mind that the piece uses longer lines with extra spacing. Some places can accommodate that formatting. Some might ask for reformatting to fit inside page sizing.