https://chillsubs.com logo
#forever-poetry
Title
# forever-poetry
t

timliving

04/20/2023, 7:53 PM
delightful! dirty limericks get out of the way, here comes dirty sonnets. the second stanza is so gymnastic, really impressive writing. first two lines in particular are so fluid, so much fun to read! i can't believe "a natural consequence of eating shit" is in iambic pentameter. just gorgeous. the couplet at the end feels classic, i think you really stuck the landing. i have two small mechanical notes: 1) you're missing a syllable in line 4 ("he's / look / ing / at / his / tail / in / x / surprise"); maybe "rear end" rather than "tail"? 2) line 11 doesn't scan for meter exactly (i think "learning" is a trochee, not an iamb 🤓 ) obviously it's not spoiling the poem, but i'm gonna keep looking at it if you don't mind! i love it when i can crack a meter. so satisfying 😌